One more gem of an Un-Review of the film 'Welcome' starring Akshay Kumar, Nana Patekar, Katrina Kaif and God only knows how many more sideys. This is again from Nitesh aka Sifar aka Bollywood Byter.
“We have made a very entertaining film. When you are going to the theatre, leave your brain at home. Don’t try to see logic. I’m sure you’ll forget all your troubles and enjoy the film”
BULLSHIT… God knows how many times have I heard this thing this year. Something like this was said before Partner, Heyy Babyy, Om Shanti Om, and Welcome.
My question is - why the f*** should I leave my brain at home. Not that I have a lot anyway, but why?
Till when would writers incapable of writing a coherent and logical script pretend to make a film to supposedly relieve us from all our troubles. My answer to these saints is, “ROT IN HELL YOU MORONS!”.
Hitch, Partner’s ‘inspiration’ (read as Scene By Scene rip off) did not come with that disclaimer. Then why Partner? Obviously the nuthead responsible for ‘Indianizing’ the story was no more skilled than my 3 year old sister is at making Tandoori Chicken.
Same goes for Welcome. This is how welcome was written:
Bazmee moron thought of some ’supposed’ funny sequences. He put them together and searched on IMDB for a Hollywood film that could string these trashy sequences together.. and TADA.. Welcome was born.
As a tribute to the movie, I have removed the ‘welcome’ sticker from my room door and have put it on my trash can.
Does comedy always need to be illogical and slapstick? No, but idiots like Aneez Bazmee know no better.
Take Hera Pheri for example. Was it completely illogical? NO it wasn’t. In fact it was a very intelligent comedy.
I’ll concede that Andaz Apna Apna, the greatest comedy in the universe (and beyond) was an illogical film. But it was a smart film. It was not a series of jokes strung together.
But well, our modern day comedies are just that. They give me more pain than relieve any.
Welcome for example. Consider these comic masterpieces:
- Akshay is driving and suddenly for no apparent reason the steering wheel comes off and the brakes fail (and he’s not even driving a Maruti 800). God damn it how many times do I need to see another of those scenes where an out of control car goes banging people on the streets. And tell me, why is there always an open-back truck standing perpendicular to the street when our hero has a car out of control?
- The last scene has a bunch of douchebags in a hut about to topple off a cliff. They keep running from one end to the other while the hut see-saws.. my God.. now that’s a cinematic masterpiece. I was puking blood by the time this scene finished.
- Paresh Rawal, who seems to be under a constant attack of epilepsy, is running from someone and falls on one naked girl after the other who take turns to slap him. Wow.. I’ve never seen anything like this before.
In short, Welcome is a collection of the most cliched and comic plots you’ll find on Earth.
Its an exercise in trash film-making.
And to all the incapable filmmakers - I won’t leave my brain at home, come what may. Because with you people, I don’t know what’ll be next.. leave your eyes at home, or ears at home, or heart, liver, lungs, pancreas at home.. or may be, just buy the ticket and stay home cos that’s better than wasting your three hours on the film anyway..
All I’ll say is:
Just make sure if you ever happen to see me, you’ve left your balls at home or else I’ll kick em.
0 comments:
Post a Comment